afterSHOCK |
VERTIGO HAS ARRIVED |
theRAGE |
A prose from the book of the Fury
I am confident that this feeling closely relates to that of traumatic shock.
This primordial mechanism that triggers whenever something sudden happens…
TAKE HAVING YOUR BELLY SLICED OPEN.
AT FIRST A RELEASE OF PRESSURE IS NOTICED.
THIS FOREIGN SENSATION HAS COME TO YOUR ATTENTION.
IT IS WHEN THE MODERATE TEMPATURE OF THE ROOM BEGINS TO COOL YOUR WARM GUTS.
The entrails slip from your belly. STEAM appears to hover above your newly formed opening.
IS the room spinning? You're off balanced; your equilibrium begins to shift quite rapidly.
VERTIGO HAS ARRIVED
Thick euphoria confuses the mind…. This is unlike any drug. The intense state at which you are currently in must be what it feels like to hear GOD speak.
THE BRAIN IS NOW IN SHOCK.
What you recall as a feeling leaves a wake in what you have now come to accept as the soul.
ESSENCE….
SCARRY Hated WEAKNESS
AFTERSHOCK EMERGES TO CARRY OUT THIS PERPETUAL DEATH
It's been fifteen or so hours since I first arrived at the maternity ward at the Oklahoma University Medical Center. My best friend since… well since the beginning is in delivery room 2012. His saint of a wife, Cherry is in labor. My best friend no my Brother is becoming a father.
Our "team" comprises of about 12 characters conjured of direct family members and FURY family members. The Filth; Ben, The Profit; Matty P, and I The Rage have remained here for the entire duration of this marathon of a birthing. There is only so much ruckus and shenanigans you can get yourself into at a University Hospital… Believe me… we tried… Scubs was full of malarkey. So as a few of us wander the waiting rooms and the parking garage, we are all beginning to realize that something of grand and epic proportions is going on here.
What has been fucking me up for the last so many hours have been my true and honest lack of happiness for my best friend. This Meta thought has me angry. Because motherfuck I AM ecstatic about the Golden Child's arrival. I want to feel glee but I am overcome with this disgusting unpleasantness and downright unhappiness. The lyrics from "Drain Me" by Kurt Cobain "It is now your job to completely drain me", cycle through my internal rants and ramblings. This new life force being formed is absorbing are sucking energy from me. The Ying Yang principle, Karma, The Force… this is what I am acknowledging.
The self-loathing and the fear begin to attack me from all angles. Why me and not some dying cancer fuck down the hall? Why must the Rage leak so hard? "Fuck Me", I drone. Fuck me for saying it… fuck this Meta pity party.
Masturbation gives light to the living; maintenance isn't so bad. If our sole purpose is to prolong our existence we should at very least aim to leave an imprint so profound that future cohorts may gawk at the foul stench we dispense only to bait them into making a bigger stink and secure our own birthrights. The downfall has been to bequeath a legacy only made of virtual accolades and false progression. The Indigenous Esquimaux believe
that stagnantly is the pathway to darkness and forlornness. By being kinetic we are driving ourselves to the inevitable darkness but if not for nothing…. EVERYTHING.
At this point Ben is masking his feelings better than I have been able to achieve. The others know his true state right now… nonetheless he uniforms a smile like a crest of spines. His recent divorce is completely a major catalyst for what is to come. "Join the team", I suggest to him. My life has been halved for an entire year at this point. I understand his thoughts more than I have the capacity to describe in verses.
"OHH YEAH!!!!", screams Curtiss from the delivery room. This is an obvious homage to the Patron Saint of arrival, The KOOL-AID MAN. We have all presumed that the head of the Golden Child has just escaped the vaginal passage from within the Mother. This is the first occasion our brain has to use that very special trick… vacant euphoria. This may very well be the first thing we learn as a human making the transformation from a fetus. I believe this is also what a caterpillar must experience that very first time it spreads those colorful and individually formed wings, becoming a butterfly.
As the limp body of the human child slides from the gorge of life, the cool air hitting the paper soft scalp must be astounding, having only known the warmth of its mother's steady temperature for nine months. I consider of what it would be like to thrust my head into a container of freezing ice and water. The brain goes on a cerebral lockdown of our own consciousness.
This is how we enter life and before our existence is established our mind already has our death planed. We arrive such as The KOOL-AID MAN: Present, Aware, and Curious to see what's on the other side of that wall. There is some truth in him.
Guttural Instinct never lies. There is purity in primitively
Curtiss exits the delivery room. His golden locks that resemble the glory of Thor drenched in unspeakable fluids. His blue eyes swelled to the point of dislodging from his Nordic skull. The tiny more crystalline fluid that runs down his cheek is those of uncontaminated exultant… Tears of joy awaken the few still taking up time and space in this very cold and very white hall… this passage at someone else's place of work. I pull my exhausted body up from the icy lament floor. It felt as if we had all been in that room… that room right there where life began. A few of us were crying, I hugged Curtiss which as far as either of us can reckon has never happened prior to this moment and will most likely never occur again. I tried to find something in myself to understand what these new parents felt. They could walk tall cock as givers of life. I could toot my own horn and bring up the wookie life debt that Curtiss owes me, but truthfully the only thing I had ever done similar was make up a story and have people watch it. When it comes to creating life…. Well…. I once killed a small kitten when I was six. It is the only true thing I regret in this life of mine.
"Great Job!", I said to Curtiss…. "You made another mouth to feed….great job!"
Many Koreans died to bring us this child…. But we did save one… here's looking at you Josh… or shall I say Kim Jong Jr.?
To have RAGE and FILTH go on the quest of eleven elevens and the dirty nights please turn to page 113.
To have the boys rebuild their lives and learn to live for themselves please wait until that cold air blankets your body and you feel that sweet sweet vacant euphoria release your energy into ecstasy and secure your legacy in white heaven with Ronald Reagan.
A prose by theRAGE
